I think if I were formally evaluated by a clinical psychiatrist, I would probably be diagnosed with some form of paranoia or something. Lately, I've realy been thinking about what is important to me in life. Not even that so much as thinking about how the forces of nature that are beyond my control are horrifying...

We only get about 80 years to live on this earth. I am a true believer in heaven and hell, God and the devil, right and wrong... But I also believe that there is a gray area. Did all those children go to hell when they were killed by tsunami, simply because they didn't believe in, or know about, Jesus Christ? Does the government really have the right to take the live of someone they believe has taken the life of someone else? I think a lot of these questions, I'm afraid to answer, and that's part of my "liberal" ideology. WHAT IF we convict a man or woman who was innocent and they are put to death. WHAT IF we pull food stamps away from a family who desperately needs them, and suffers serious consequences as a result?

I am not closed minded to other points of view. I thin that taking the life of another human being is very, very wrong. The worst kind of wrong. But what if the person who pulls the plug goes home and smokes in a small house with their wife/husband and kids? They're purposefully endangering their spouse and children's life too. No I don't like the idea of abortion. But what if a girl is raped at 14, after her first period and finds out she's pregnant because the dose of birth control the hospital gave her doesn't work. I know these are ideas that are not regular occurences.

I just sometimes feel like the world is out of control. We've totally lost sight of what is important and what's not. Candidates attach themselves less and less to one issue or another because they want to "appeal" to all the voters. People without money can no longer speak their minds when they are faced with opposition because our media outlets are becoming more and more centralized. Advertisers LIE to American citizens in order to make a buck. Drug companies manipulate numbers and hide studies that show their drugs are dangerous and cause serious side effects because they want their drug on the market.

I respect capitalism. I respect that Sam Walton had a dream, and made it happen. I feel the same way about Ray Croc. I enjoy the benefits of capitalism daily, so to criticize it would be wrong of me. I respect pro-life advocates who think that abortion is a sin because it murders children that so many people in the world would love to adopt. I respect pro-death penalty politicians and activists because I think they want peace for victim's families and they want to keep these criminals from ever hurting anyone again.

I just also believe in a gray area. I'm not saying that there's no "gray area" in conservative America. I'm sure there are issues that many conservatives dissent on as well. I think it might just be a personality difference.

I would rather have nine people take advantage of me, and have one person appreciate and cherish my aid, than turn away all ten, and watch one of them suffer. When I meet St. Peter at the gate, I hope that he says, "Meredith, you really cared about people. You helped them, you sometimes made fun of them, but you tried your best to treat others as you wanted to be treated. You may enter."